Dragons. 

Well-intentioned dragons. That’s what my husband and I call them and we’ve encountered a lot of them.  

A well-intentioned dragon is someone who tries to help you, someone with seemingly good intentions, but they do more harm than good. They come in all sizes, shapes, and colors, but one feature they all share is that, while trying to help, they inflict more pain or frustration. Some do it by fire, some by the sting of their tail, and some by their lumbering size trampling over all your boundaries. 

There is another type of person whom we call Cancer Angels. These people seem to just understand and they truly help. A cancer angel is someone who walks with empathy, understands personal boundaries, and helps in ways that a person actually needs. Some do it by words, some by financial resources, and some by their consistent presence and love.

We get it. Helping someone with cancer, really helping, is definitely a challenge. Someone you care about has cancer and you desperately want to help, but what do you say? What can you do, I mean, really do to help? And what should you NOT say or do? We surely don’t want to be one of those scaly, well-intentioned dragons! 

Two results come from these feelings and concerns.

First, you end up feeling quite helpless to really help them. Considering what they’re facing, what can you say that will really do anything? You feel like your words of encouragement sound shallow and un-relatable. 

Maybe you should send flowers. Maybe you should take them to lunch. But really, what’s that going to do?

Second, because most people feel either helpless or afraid (for various reasons), they just avoid the person with cancer. They just stay away and hope other people will step in and help. 

These are what we call the Disappearing Dragons. These dragons mean well and usually when a diagnosis is new, they pop up in your life, send a card or flowers, and tell you they’re always there for you. But then soon they just disappear. It’s like their initial efforts made them feel good about themselves, but then when they see you will not be cured by next week and this whole cancer thing may go on for some time, they realize being your friend through this will just call for too much from them. We’ve encountered several types of this dragon. 

Thankfully, we’ve only encountered a few of these dragons. Most people who want to help and show love often just feel that helpless feeling.

Hi, I’m Rebekah. I’m 34 and have been fighting breast cancer for the last 12 years. I was first diagnosed with stage one breast cancer at the ripe old age of 23. It turned my world upside down.

My doctors and I agreed to treat the cancer aggressively so it would never return. I underwent a double mastectomy, reconstruction surgery, chemotherapy, and some years of hormone therapy. 

After surviving what felt like a whirlwind of treatments, I was declared “cancer free.” I moved from Southern Oregon (my hometown) down to Southern California, where I soon met Joel. We fell madly in love and got married about a year later. 

Eight months into our new wedded bliss, my enemy returned, and I was unexpectedly re-diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. The cancer had invaded my liver, lungs, kidneys, spine, and at least nine tumors in my brain. I was 27 years old. Stage four means there is no cure and one oncologist predicted I had four to six months to live, and that was with treatment!

Obviously, this new diagnosis changed everything. If stage one cancer turned my world upside down, a stage four diagnosis just shattered it. Think snow globe shattering on the ground. 

But something in me, something primal, rose up and said, “NO!” This can’t be my end. I know God has more for me than this.  

I chose to fight, and I chose to live. I got admitted into the City of Hope cancer center in Southern California and they hit my cancer aggressively (again) with 15-rounds of full brain radiation and heavy chemotherapy.  

It began working! It’s been an up and down roller coaster since then, but now seven years later, I’m still here! At this point, my cancer is fairly stable and I’m deeply grateful. Joel has fought this with me every step of the way. If God is my Rock, then Joel is my North Star who helps me stay focused and fighting forward. 

Sometimes it’s the big things, but usually it’s the little things that make an enormous difference in our lives. Joel and I have created a little e-Book titled Cancer-Fighting Ninjas Reveal Kickass Tips: 75 Stupidly Simple Ideas for Helping Your Loved One Through Cancer... Plus 20 Things You Should NEVER Say or Do.

And the best part is we’re giving it away for FREE. At least for now. You can download it right now at the end of this article. 

Our free ninja guide below will give you an arsenal of tools to help you better help your friend or loved one. But we want to also let you know about another kickass resource we’ve created to help. 

HOPEBoxes - The Ultimate Care Packages

We’re immensely proud of and excited to share with you–HOPEBoxes.

Over these years, we’ve received many gifts and care packages from people trying to help. As I said, some were amazing. Some were nice. But many were irrelevant or just useless. The loving intention behind the gift meant more than the actual gift. 

We’ve also received quite a few care packages. But 99% of the items usually end up getting put in the closet or worse, unfortunately, just thrown away. We feel guilty about it, but we can only handle so many knitted blankets, pink rubber bracelets, or bottles of lotion. 

So Joel and I thought long and hard about all this and we came up with totally unique cancer care packages. We like to say they are care boxes that, well, don’t suck. We even created a free 30-second quiz to find the exact right box for your specific need.

We offer different boxes for different groups and needs. Every item inside is created to help foster real-life application, inner transformation, and lifelong hope. Thus, we avoid pink trinkets and space fillers. Our goal is to help your friend or loved one (or you!) become the HERO of their story.

We created HOPEBoxes for patients, couples, caregivers, family, and more. Maybe you need the hope or maybe your friend needs the hope from people who truly understand the cancer journey fight. Plus, as with all our products, we include our Insane Guarantee. If you buy it and are not fully satisfied, we will refund all your money PLUS you can keep your product! No need to re-pack anything and go through the hassle of mailing it back. Yep, we’re that confident. 

HOPEBoxes are an easy way to get a quick win for you and a HUGE blessing for the person you care about. 

With Love,

Rebekah and Joel - Your Ninja Guides